It's a different kind of lonely because we aren't "alone." We have made new friends and are spending time with lots of different people, but the depth to those relationships hasn't had time to develop. I have this underlying feeling that most of the people we are spending time with really don't know us yet. They don't understand who we are, where we came from, or why we are here.
The other side of this different kind of lonely, is that we don't really know all of our new friends very well either. We don't fully understand who they are, where they come from or why they are here. We just haven't had time to develop this depth of a friendship.
When I find myself dwelling on this (which honestly has been too often the past few weeks) I have to bring myself back to reality. The reality is we have only been in Tucson for 5 months. Friendships take time and we have to invest in people's lives for them to know who we are and for us to learn who they are.
I have read (and re-read) "The Church Planting Wife" by Christine Hoover, particularly the chapter on the "Connected Heart" which talks in depth about relationships, particularly....loneliness and "heart friends." I have moved from a season where I had many "heart friends" to a season where I am starting all over. In the short time I have had in Tucson, I have only found a few women who are opening up and interested in spending time together to get to know each other in a more connected way. When I really think about these women, I realize how amazing God is, as God is providing a way out of this lonely season in His time. He is also reminding me daily that He is what I need above all other relationships.
One of the passages I am memorizing is Philippians 2:3-5
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus." (NASB)
I am remembering this verse as I ask God to keep me from focusing on my own loneliness, but rather focus on those around me, who they are, and what they need. I want to be a blessing to those around me in whatever way God can use that.
So all of this to say, please pray for us!
- Pray that we will see the relationships we do have and not dwell on the depth of relationships we have yet to experience in Tucson.
- Pray that we will grieve this life change in our relationships gracefully and not become consumed by the loneliness.
- Pray that we will be open and willing to devote the time when God does provide those new friends who are ready for deeper relationships.
